loss

tea mixed with regret
spent bullets in the dust
knives sliding across the tongue
blood on metal

the scent of you
in the mornings
after you've spent yourself
on someone else

nothingness
an emptiness too vast to fill
except with every last drop
of your blood

screaming with no sound
a steady drowning
slowly and then all at once
catching fire

the cold ashes
of everyone I've ever loved
perfume sprayed
on the inside of my wrist

a dead body floating on water
buffeted by waves
forever rising
to look at me

warmth

sometimes I order
a fat mug of steaming coffee
just to hold something warm

then I picture your heart
pulsating in my palms
hot blood spilling into cold air

the fire it kindles
keeps me warm for days
let the coffee go cold

ceasefire

when men leave

women try to heal each other
but wars are never far away

at midnight the tree 
outside my window
comes alive with fireflies

and then the bats
eat them 

plaster saint

you would recoil in horror
at the mere thought 
of crushing a cockroach
you would not even 
kill an ant, no

then you
stabbed me repeatedly
until I had to hold my insides in
with my hands and fight
for air

my body remembers 
being your punching bag
your mattress
your safe space
your well

the place from which 
you would fill yourself -
and pour it all out 
on someone else.