always

if you ever wonder why
even after all this time
remember, we said 'always'

grief

moving heavily through grief
my sights on grace

trying to learn how to forget
after letting go

I left, I know -
leaving's easy;

living?
no.

black grief

on some days I am brought to my knees
on the cold tiles by this harsh grief

black light spilling on the floor

it slams in like a freight train
swept off-track by a tsunami

I stand in its path, eager, willing

it breaks my bones brutally
meat on the butcher's block

I surrender to the knife, kneeling

it shreds me apart slowly
paper boat in a storm

I cannot swim yet I walk into the sea

I ask myself angrily,
how can someone can cry so much?

I am 60% water, how can I not?

bloodshed

I watch
blood drop
into the water

hypnotised 
it opens out 
like tendrils

whisper
'my god, my god
what have we done?'

accident scene

slowly becoming an accident

I hold myself
in my hands
slice into me
sweet, sharp
each night
let the dark in
and taste it 
in my veins

memory a blade shredding me

after the loving

the taste of blood

in my mouth

from your mouth